The Idiot Awards

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in gett ing it
out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in
the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gav e the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license They arrested the
robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef?

Yep...From Kansas City!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on
earth are blind people doing driving?"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving
the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was
spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply,
"I know - I already got that side."

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE!

What does 'love' mean?

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.
Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
Tommy - age 6

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.
Elaine - age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - age 7

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
Karen - age 7

You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Jessica - age 8